bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Randomize
