I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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