I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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