party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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