i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
