STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
