i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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