I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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