nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize