Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
