Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
