I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize