I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
