My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
