My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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