One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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