...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
