i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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