Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
