I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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