dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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