I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
