I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
