just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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