Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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