I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize