Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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