why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
