Who wears a wallet chain?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
