im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
