I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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