Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have tasted many bathrooms
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
