There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
