yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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