so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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