sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
