All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
