You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
