My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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