tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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