'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
