Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
