We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
