I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
