There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
