Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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