i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You dont lie about slip and slides
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
