you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
