dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
