I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it glows. i had to have it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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