No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
