Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Couch. On fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
