Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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