I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
