Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
