direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
