I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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