I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!