I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.