Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.