Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
