Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."