6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.