i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?