I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
