I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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